We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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