My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
