Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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