Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
