What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
