she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
