The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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