I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
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He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
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URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
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