i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is