oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now