Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.