I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.