life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
