Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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