We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
