Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
