Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
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she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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