Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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