walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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