i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
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all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
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Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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