Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
