the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize