And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren