I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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