I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Two words: blizzard sex
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
