After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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