sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
