I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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