dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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