You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
