come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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