the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
