so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize