He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
