I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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