I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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