I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My liver just had a heart attack.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
