I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
