I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
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Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
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You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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