the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize