It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
