What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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