Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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