I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!