The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
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please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
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I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up