Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.