Texts From Last Night

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  (917): View more from New York City

  My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard

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  (917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard http://tfl.nu/zt1l
  Replies (19) Good night (3256) Bad night (787)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?

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  (301): is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away? http://tfl.nu/7whm
  Replies (35) Good night (1127) Bad night (3455)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.

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  (401): Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon. http://tfl.nu/lhyu
  Replies (55) Good night (3813) Bad night (783)
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  (518): View more from New York

  I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.

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  (518): I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever. http://tfl.nu/idj0
  Replies (39) Good night (5698) Bad night (1178)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?

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  (208): can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened? http://tfl.nu/sf3c
  Replies (23) Good night (4659) Bad night (1333)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.

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  (701): For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza. http://tfl.nu/ui1g
  Replies (15) Good night (5121) Bad night (1283)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...

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  (541): apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex... http://tfl.nu/6yny
  Replies (4) Good night (2904) Bad night (690)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  He called his prostate his "boner button".

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  (440): He called his prostate his "boner button". http://tfl.nu/n5dr
  Replies (17) Good night (1673) Bad night (3377)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing

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  (630): you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing http://tfl.nu/mpy9
  Replies (6) Good night (2970) Bad night (853)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.

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  (712): You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you. http://tfl.nu/5ard
  Replies (3) Good night (1454) Bad night (652)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.

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  (812): I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest. http://tfl.nu/mbi2
  Replies (5) Good night (1168) Bad night (401)
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  (502): View more from Kentucky

  What's the mantra for Sunday?

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  I will not have sex with him.

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  (502): What's the mantra for Sunday? (606): I will not have sex with him. http://tfl.nu/xixk
  Replies (2) Good night (869) Bad night (391)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!

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  (561): I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE! http://tfl.nu/qqyw
  Replies (6) Good night (825) Bad night (518)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater

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  (952): College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater http://tfl.nu/orlm
  Replies (3) Good night (637) Bad night (341)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.

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  (978): The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin. http://tfl.nu/o32d
  Replies (6) Good night (464) Bad night (320)

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