I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.