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• (847): View more from Illinois

  i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.

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• (407): View more from Florida

  My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.

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• (916): View more from California

  this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people

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  These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (905): View more from Ontario

  the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision

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  The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.

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• (865): View more from Tennessee

  Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  "I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"

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