Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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