i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
