Soap is not a condiment
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Randomize
