You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I just found puke in my bra..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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