I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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