She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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