I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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