Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
