when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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