K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
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It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
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I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night