How drunk are you??
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
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I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?