apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now